Replacing BUT with AND - Can it Make a Difference?
Written by Tara Tourloukis, BScN RN MPN
Have you ever had anyone say to you ‘I love that blue shirt you’re wearing, but I liked the one you had on yesterday,’ or ‘that report looks great, but if you just change a couple things about the introduction, it might be a bit stronger.’ Huh. That ‘but’ isn’t just a bit frustrating, it’s also a word that has a significant meaning to, and behind it.
That teeny tiny little word, actually has a big impact – whether you realize it or not. The word but, actually negates everything [positive] that you just heard or said, before it. When we say the word but, we’re basically saying everything before that word doesn’t matter, or was void. Wait, that’s not really what we meant though. No one really uses the word but, in an effort to negate and invalidate the words that came before it. It’s just a word we use. We’re sort of just used to using that word.
And that’s the thing – we’re sort of used to using a lot of words. It’s interesting that we used to hold tight to that old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” And the truth is, they do. Words hurt, as they can carry significant meaning. Whether you, as the sender, mean anything by them or not.
“It’s just a word we use. We’re sort of just
used to using that word”
So, in terms of that pesky word but, is there an alternative? There is! By simply replacing but with and, we can shift meaning and significance in our language. After all, we talk a lot about how important language and our words are. Imagine the difference – ‘I love that blue shirt you’re wearing, AND I liked the one you had on yesterday, ‘ or ‘that report looks great, AND if you just change a couple things about the introduction, it might be a bit stronger.’ Does that feel different to you? Better? Because it’s okay to say one thing and another, in a sentence.
I challenge you to make the change. When talking about someone else, and talking to yourself. Start by slowly removing the but from the sentence, and replacing it with and, and see how that feels. You might not think it’s a huge deal, AND making small changes can have a big impact.
